AUGUST JOKES

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous (Winston Churchill loved them). We hope you enjoy this month's Paraprosdokian Jokes...

• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.
• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify...." I answer, "a doctor."
• I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.